At Ease
by Jack Webster
THIS IS A VERY STRANGE WINTER! That is the way I started my January column and then went on to say something about ‘the wimpiest winter blah blah blah’. Well, sure ‘nuf ‘Webster’s Law’ (used to be known as ‘Murphy’s Law’) took over. No sooner had the issue with that column hit the streets than one of the coldest weekends in recent years settled in on us---approx. 70 hours with the temps not getting higher than 4 degrees above zero and most of the 70 hours well below the zero mark and going down to 17 below both Saturday and Sunday nights!
Then to top that off---I am starting this column (Feb. 2) as I am resting up from shoveling my driveway for the third time in six hours (8 to 9 inches of snow) and ‘taking a break’ until morning when I expect more of the white blanket to be awaiting me. . . Without getting out of bed I knew what to expect ‘cuz neighbor Bob had not yet started his vehicle ‘to make his morning rounds . . .’
Sure enough another blanket of snow awaited me so I plugged in the coffee pot, grabbed the shovel and proceeded to clear about 60% of my driveway then took a break for breakfast/coffee. Halfway thru the second cup of ‘pick me up’, two day-brightening things happened: 1. the sun peeked thru the overcast and --- 2. the pleasing sound of a snow blower preceded the appearance of bundled-up Bob clearing the mouth of my driveway! What a way to finish breakfast!
After the above-mentioned Minnesota winter phenomena, never again will the phrase ‘Wimpy Winter’ appear in this column . . .!
YOU CAN SAY YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST! As I write this Saturday morning the Timberwolves are celebrating a win over the Clippers! AND they won it by finishing a game LIKE WINNING TEAMS DO! I think they ‘turned the corner’ with this game---they are going to win half of their remaining games and will finish the season with 30-31 victories . . . nearly twice as many as last year. You can ‘make book on it’.
THIS MAY BE A LITTLE LATE BUT I thought maybe you might still find this item of interest. A short item I noticed in one of the papers a couple of weeks ago---the first baby born in a San Diego hospital in 2016 was a boy, at 12:01 a.m. and was the male half of a set of twins. What makes this birth unusual is the fact that his twin sister was born in 2015 --- two minutes earlier! That has to be a rarity---twins with different birthdays!
LET US HAVE A MOMENT of silence . . . Linus, of “Peanuts” fame, has passed into the great beyond! Charles Schulz, author of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip, copied the character Linus (Charlie Brown’s best friend) after his friend Linus Maurer. Maurer recently died at age 90.
WHY IS IT . . . people who claim that everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it---they still look both ways before crossing the street!
CHRISTMAS is like a day at the office . . . you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets the credit!
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Santa”.
Doctor: “You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.”
DO YOU REALIZE THAT SPRING must be ‘just around the corner’? The signs are all there (and ‘Webster’s Law’ be da__ed): the Super Bowl is history; the Groundhog’s prediction was good (hope he is right!); Valentine’s Day is this weekend; the Scholljegerdes ice carving team won the Winter Carnival ice carving contest; and the TWINS
WILL BE IN SPRING TRAINING NEXT WEEK! Now Do Your Darnest Old Man Winter, you are about out of here!
GOVERNMENT SHOULD definitely keep their nose out of our Education system! Consider the following ‘for instances . . .’: In Florida a 4th grader was threatened with sexual harassment charges if he continued to write love notes to the 4th grade ‘apple of his eye’; A Texas 9-year-old was suspended for saying his magic ring could make people disappear; Also Texas, a young girl was sent home with a censorious note from her school because her Wonder Woman lunchbox violated the school ban on depictions of ‘violent characters’; A Tennessee boy was threatened with suspension from elementary school because he came to school with a military-style haircut like that of his soldier brother; A government arbitrator prevented the firing of a New Jersey elementary school teacher who was late to school 111 times in two years(!); In Washington (state) a high school ‘promoted’ self-esteem by naming 117 valedictorians out of a class of 457!;
AND FINALLY: the principal of a San Francisco middle school withheld the results of student elections that did not produce properly ‘diverse’ results! Aren’t you glad that we have ‘thinking teachers/administrators’ in our local school system . . .
WHILE I ALWAYS THOUGHT that February was only known for Groundhog Day, my brother’s birthday, Valentine’s Day and Presidents’ Day, I just discovered that there are several ‘very important’ dates to celebrate in the month of February. For instance, did you know that today (Feb. 11) is “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk” Day; Feb. 27 is observed (some places) as ”International Sword Swallowers Day”; and to stretch a point a little---March 1st (known to some as ‘Super Tuesday’) has 15 states holding their state caucuses or primaries and is also known as National Pig Day! And believe it or not, I AM NOT going to comment on that connection . . . you can voice your own comparisons . . .
SAY IT ISN’T SO --- but it is reported that California and Oregon recently voted to automatically register applicants as eligible voters when they obtain or renew driver’s licenses. In my opinion it is just one more step by irresponsible legislators taking the easy way out and pandering for votes by many who are very possibly (probably?) illegal immigrants . . . Disgusting!
WHILE THE DEADLY ATTACKS by the ISIL militants a couple of months ago was a horrific action, it did finally accomplish something. It has brought in support to fight the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, a battle that had been pretty much a United States battle. Germany has finally decided to send planes, ships and personnel to join the international military alliance against ISIL. France reportedly is adding over 10,000 troops this year and expects over 15,000 more next year. Holland and Russia are also reportedly strengthening their forces against the outlaw ISIL group. I can only say “It is about time . . .”
DON’T KNOW WHERE IT CAME from but I guess it makes sense . . . a few important facts to remember: 1. Death is the number one killer in the world; 2. Life is sexually transmitted; 3. Good health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die; and 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying around in the hospital dying of nothing!
