How to train a shark

I have to admit I am the worst dog trainer ever. Make that pet trainer, since the cat doesnt seem to  comply with any of the house rules either. 

For example, when I take Simon for a walk, no matter what Ive tried over the past 12 years to keep him from barking insanely at other dogs, nothing works. Nothing. I have been stern with him. I give him treats to distract him. I walk in the opposite direction to avoid the threat. What  ends up happening is an exhausting and embarrassing tug-of-war battle with him while the invadingdog walks by, calmly making strides while glancing back at us like were lunatics.

The cat is no better. To keep Pepper off the kitchen counters Ive tried physically removing her, yelling, throwing a sock at her and even squirting her with water. She is unaffected by any of it. Shell jump down, but as soon as I go back to what I was doing, shes back at it.

Last night, no sooner had I sat on the couch wondering how to get the upper hand with my two adorablepets who were pestering me for food an hour before dinner, when I opened my computer to a story on how lionfish are invading the oceans around Florida and up the east coast. And heres the interesting part: Sharks are being trained to hunt and eat them. I read that line again: Sharks are being trained?

Feeling even more inadequate in my control of our domesticated pets, I admit, I was intrigued. Train a shark? I cant get Pepper to do, well anything. This was starting to sound more like the latest SyFy movie. 

But I figured, if you can train a shark, surely theres hope. The article stated that shark training is a last resort, as they have first tried other methods to eradicate the alien lionfish invaders. First they tried hunting contests, allowing people to snorkel and spear their way through the fragile ocean reefs. That didnt work out so well for the reefs. 

Then they turned to the old saying: If you cant beat them, eat them.They figured if people will eat sushi, why not lionfish? The article states: The flaky white meat is pretty good when cooked.Not exactly a mouth watering review. The downside to this idea is that they cant be caught in nets and divers have to spear each and every one, taking this solution back to the problems with the hunting contest. Plus, that costly fishing method leads to one expensive pretty gooddinner. 

So shark training it is. The diver drawing the shortest straw has to physically spear a lionfish then hand it over to a shark. All while hoping to keep his hand. Sharks dont naturally eat lionfish, it stated, because they find them strange. How they know this, it didnt say, but theyre hoping the more they feed them to the sharks, the more the sharks will crave them and eventually hunt them on their own. 

The article ends with this line: The downside of this idea? This is quite dangerous and only those experienced in shark behaviors should give this a try.In other words, dont try this at home. With a cat.

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