Turning the page

My “luck of the Irish” came to a screeching halt this past St. Patrick’s Day when I lost my soulmate, Chuck. Who would have thought as I walked into his hospital room that morning and he was complimenting me on my new shamrock shirt that by late evening he would be gone! I lost the love of my life. But I wasn’t the only one who experienced this unthinkable loss…so did our family and friends…and so did New Prague. This community lost one of its stellar cheerleaders.

Born and raised in New Prague, Chuck had a special devotion to his birthplace and most of all to his hometown newspaper! Perhaps he was born with ink in his blood. There was never a day that we didn’t talk about something with the paper. Good or bad we had discussions. And we were “news junkies.” No matter the media we were all in, especially to print! Chuck never felt that the newspaper industry was dying, but he was well aware that it was changing. Although he dug in his heels and refused to use a computer he could “talk the talk” with the best of them because he was always paying attention.

Chuck took great pride in the publications produced by the Suel Printing Co. staff. He succeeded his grandfather, Arthur J. Suel, as publisher. He worked alongside his mother, Lois Suel Wann, brother, Arthur Suel Wann, son David Wann, nephew Kurt Wann, in the past his daughter, Lori Meloche and niece Lisa Ingebrand…and me. We worked just several feet apart for more than 25 years.

And now it’s time for me to move on. No, I’m not moving out of New Prague, but I am leaving The Times. I’ve read that you shouldn’t make any big decisions the first year after losing a loved one. I guess I’m not following that advice, because this is a huge decision. I was Chuck’s electronic conduit to the outside world for years. Sadly, my skills for that purpose are no longer needed. I struggle with leaving a place with many good memories. But I also realize that my seat in the front corner of the office is a very lonely place now. It’s isolating instead of inspiring. I’ll never be able to turn in my chair and share an idea with him, or offer an opinion when asked for one.

I have a new understanding of the term “widow.” It’s a club I wasn’t ready to join or a box I now have to check on a form. I guess it’s time for me to think about my lifelong dreams—maybe it’s travel, or a new hobby, or even renewing a hobby I haven’t had time for in the past.

No matter when you lose someone you love, whether it’s seven months, seven years or seventy years, we always want more time with the one we loved. Chuck’s death has changed me. It’s changed how I look at life. Can I be happy again? I’m planning on it, but I know it will be a different kind of happiness.

I’ve read that a grieving spouse should not look at the moment of death, but at the years of life. This isn’t a lost future for us. We were married a perfect amount of time, because we loved deeply. And I will forever treasure that.

Chuck dedicated so much of his life to this newspaper for so many years and in so many ways. How should we honor his legacy? I ask that you continue to support your local newspaper. Hang the newspaper photo or story about your child on the refrigerator or put it in an album. Keep up with local events. Support our local business advertisers. I can’t imagine New Prague without its community newspaper and I know that Chuck couldn’t either! He continues to inspire us to keep you informed accurately and with integrity.

Thanks to my co-workers for stepping up to fill in where I’m leaving off. A part of moving through grief and loss is self-care, and that’s what I’m choosing to do by finding my new normal to move forward, as I turn my final page at The Times.

“Until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.”